Reflecting, Redefining, Reforming
Friday, May 01, 2015
It's difficult because when your priorities, thoughts, reactions and opinions start to change and they don't sit well/align with people around you, you no longer feel the same kind of closeness or happiness you used to feel.
No, I'm not saying that friendships and/or relationships are based solely on similarities and that you aren't able to maintain a long lasting friendship if the parties involved shared little similarities. I just think that we are all like puzzle pieces and the shapes of our puzzle pieces change as we grow older. Sometimes, these pieces don't fit anymore. Forcing them to fit may hold it up for a bit but tell me, how long will that last? How long before you become resentful and unhappy? Ask yourself if you are truly enjoying their company and do you feel comfortable voicing your thoughts and opinions anymore? Do you?
There are so many times I kept looking back, that I keep giving out chances even when I tell myself it's the last time, that I kept blaming myself for so many situations in life but I have to realize that I need to let go of these mistakes and forgive myself, that a lot of it take two hands to clap (or more) and in any healthy friendship/relationship, you shouldn't be the only one taking the blame for everything. Or the first to give in. Or lowering yourself just to please others. Likewise, we shouldn't have to keep making excuses for people so that they look better in the eyes of others - excuses for their absence and their lack of efforts. How many excuses can you give before you run out of them and even you are tired of doing that? The list goes on and differs from person to person.
And on the other hand, I have to accept that there are certain boundaries that should not be crossed which meant that I had to make choices that I may not have wanted but there are other people involved and my happiness is not worth more than theirs. I cannot reverse what I have done, but I can choose where to go from there.
Been thinking a lot lately and making changes in different parts of my life. I'm learning to give more weight to my personal feelings and thoughts relating to certain aspects in my life so that I can love myself a bit more. I used to stretch myself too thin and now maybe not at all but I will find a better balance in time to come. I haven't found it yet because even making small adjustments cause repercussions so I want to take it one step at a time. Am I scared of losing people along the way? Yes I am and it will not be okay. But I will learn to deal with it like I have with other matters. Maybe you would think that I'm selfish for wanting to value myself more (or for all sorts of reasons)? Well, maybe I am.
Ironically, to be better in some aspects means you would be worse off in others. But then again, you lose some to gain some or vice versa. You cannot choose everything that matters in life, so you have to make a decision. As difficult as it is. This, I've been struggling to come to terms with. But above all, I need to value myself before others can value me.
Part of valuing ourselves more would be to (re)define our personal boundaries and also to work hard on our flaws and weaknesses so that we can be proud of who we are/who we have become and be more at peace with ourselves.
"As time goes on, your boundaries may require updating. Perhaps the time you can give to others is much more limited after starting a new relationship or having a baby. Redefining your boundaries may mean swapping the belief “I want to please others” to “I value my time and want to keep some for myself. Bear in mind that those close to you may not be fully supportive in your attempts to change. They have been used to the old ways of doing things. As with any life change, extending boundaries has a price, and this may be losing acquaintances along the way. Of course, those relationships that are worth having will survive, and grow stronger."
Give and take. A lot of things in life require that to be able to sustain or develop further. Keep giving and you will end up with nothing. Keep taking and you too will end up with nothing. (In a materialistic and a non materialistic sense)
This is a long post but it does feel good to type it down somewhere. Happy weekend!
Give and take. A lot of things in life require that to be able to sustain or develop further. Keep giving and you will end up with nothing. Keep taking and you too will end up with nothing. (In a materialistic and a non materialistic sense)
This is a long post but it does feel good to type it down somewhere. Happy weekend!
